Is it possible to have a love/hate relationship with the sport of triathlon?  I love the challenge and beauty of it.  I also love the physical conditioning required and how good I feel.  I’m having a tougher time with the mental aspects of it.  This is a first for me.  I’ve achieved a lot in my life and usually meet/exceed my goals.  This one is throwing me for a loop. 

Sunday, April 29 was my first open water swim [ows] the training season. For those that don’t know, you basicly go to an open body of water and swim.  The water may be cold or warm, there is no wall to hold onto or push off of, and there isn’t a black line running along the bottom for guidance.  Also, there may be murky water, limited visibility, fish, debris, rocks, and other sorts of stuff that you don’t have to worry about in a pool. 

So, coming off my practice last Wednesday, I was fairly confident that today’s swim would go ok.  That wasn't the case. I woke up physically tired.  I actually thought of not going but then decided to push myself and ‘just show up’.  That’s usually half the battle.  "If I show up, I’ll get excited being around my friends and coaches, which would result in motivation and I’ll complete the yardage with no problems. I would be a domino effect."  Yeah, right!  Tired, cranky, limited mental ability Theresa showed up.  The water was cold and shortly after rounding the 1st pole, I looked way off into the distance, saw the 3^rd pole and decided it was too far away.  That did it, there went the little mental strength I had and I gave up.  Now that I’m writing this, I realize the importance of that mental decision. At that point, I didn’t care, I wanted out. 

I completed maybe 150 yards, changed direction—swam to the shore and announced I was done. No words of encouragement would change my mind. I actually, thought wow—is this considered giving up or does it count since it’s practice.  You know you can’t do this during the race.  Yeah, I know but I’m doing it today. I have a lot of solo conversations when training.

Two days later, I realized the important role mental strength will play in this event.  I will have to dig deep, say prayers, talk to myself, whatever it takes to finish. I know this, having told myself on a daily basis.  I have to say this is one of the toughest things I've ever had to do.  One of my coworkers has this on his email signature:  

We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.  

This is my great opportunity.  I'll keep moving forward…